


We Should Just Kiss Like Real People Do

by thoopsy



Category: Hlvrai fandom, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Homosexuality, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited, adoration, genuine love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoopsy/pseuds/thoopsy
Summary: Benrey’s life after the events of the Resonance Cascade has taken a turn for the worse.This is the funny fooled ya description hehehehehehe GOTCHAI have never written anything serious in my life :) anyway check out my fic on ao3-- *im shot dead*
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	We Should Just Kiss Like Real People Do

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm Val and they're making me do this. I am hurting. I ended up crying.
> 
> By Houndbites, Frostios, Polygoon, Loneliestcactus, Kupadraws, Splatoonlink, Thoopsy.

FIRE.

HELL WAS REALLY GOOD AT FIRE. BENREY SCEAM YELL AAAAAHHH!!!! But he got ok again. LOTS AND LOTS OF FIRE. Kinda toasty! Roast up your boy!

“Ohhh ohhhh im soooo homosexual(derogatory)” says the benrey 

COOMER WAS TERE TOO!!! WHY!!!! BUBBY SHOULD BE THERE TOO THEN???HE WAS TOO GAY(DEROGATORY) AND MADE ROPE JOKE. NOOO BUBBY IS STRAIGHT AND HAS BLUNT TEETH RREMEMBER???? BUTTHE HONOSEXUAL (Derogatory) UNDERLYING TENSION THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SERIES??????????

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING IN THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE THIS. ANYWAY. Holly was supportive of homophobic Bubby that one time keep up guys. Coomer is there. He’s burning, but for some reason its fueling him. Benrey is burning but it _hurts._ Its PAINFUL hes yelling. The fruit (derogatory) is YELLING. 

Echoing in the distance, _calling all crab fans._ On loop. _Grab your crab crew…_ But Benrey didn’t have a crab crew because he’s in _GAY HOMOSEXUAL HELL_ ALL _ALONE_!!!!

GORDON….GORDON SEE WITH BIG EYES……….BENREY !!!!! THE GUY WHO SAYS CRINGE AND GAMER. GRING BRO….

_I think crabs should vote_ _,_ Benrey thought. The crabs were getting to him. The crabs, the crabs.

I think love should win (derogatory) in this one. Let’s send a car to super hell instead.

Specifically Mater can we send Mater to hell? Please can we? Plea? Pl? Is lightning mcqueen the homophobic one then? Isnt he voice acted by a cowboy (Mitch McConnell?)(no i think its owen wilson)(oh sorry my bad)(owen wilson voices lighting mcqueen you fucking idiots) (Mitch Mcconnel is literally a real us senator he likes to block bills in the house)(how could you guys forget hes voiced by larry the cable guy that literally the whole fucking joke thats the WHOLE THING) (i think youre thinking about doc hudson bro) ( no Larry the cable guy played major) (toe?) (are we not fucking talking about mater? I thought this paragraph was about mater??) (the uh, toe truck) (PLEASE JUST GOOGLE FOR FUCKS SAKE)He has a cowboy accent an cowboys are realistically gay you know. Cowboys are sraight lole (factually incorrect) ( i was talking abut lightning mcwuene) and this is what all the demons in gay hell were saying. they all tormented benrey with their arguments, who knew the TRUTH about mater.

  
  


Uhhhh. Uhhh.

Gay(derogatory) ppl kiss? Is that one?

BENREY IS A FRUIT(derogatory)CAKE. ALL IS CAKE? Anyone remember that meme?

Such is life in the world of tetris , blocks blocks lots of blocks. Hell is full of lots of blocks. or is it??? all benrey knows is he can’t be with his hottie boyfriend gotdamn freeman.

Benrey smoocha the gordon and gordon go “wednesday again????” goddammit garfield. I fucking hate garfield feld gof gard gof dammit he eat the lasagna …….fuck!!!!! fuck!!!!!!(don’t swar please (Link’s mom will get mad)) 

Benrey couldn’t handle these thoughts, all of these thoughts. They made more sense than usual. They do not like that, they don’t like thinking about Mitch Mcconnel. Bitch Mcconnnel ownnnnnned. 

Benrey had ENOUF . benrey had to get out of this BOX but it was not box shaped… he could not just push dr coomer aside. Or maybe…. Or maybe he could….. Push coomer aside and leaf.

Hell is a box? Box? Benrey in the box? Cat sit in boxes. A little catboy? Is that another factor into him being sent to super hell? ? i hate this catboy SLANDER

I fanart think AUGHHHHHHH KUPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAof

fan kupa……. Sara frostios LOVES this fanart!!!!!!!!!TRUE!!!!!!!

WE GOT FANART UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER!!! Really great art done by kupadraws on tumblr you should all go follow him the art is funny and cool

Benry half life here’s a picture of one of thwe authors who wrote thisis down here

who got rid of the polygon picture 

FUCK THIS FUCK YOU POLY WONT GET SMALLER

you know what? no. fuck you. [writes a shitty ten

 _FUCK YOU MAKE ME BIGGER!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO SMALLLLLL_ paragraph essay with the coldes WHOS WRITING HERE DONT INTERRUPT ME MY RANTSONA IS CROSSING ITS ARMS WHOS WRITING IN MY PARAGRAPH AAAAAA (turns into my final form)

Hey guys wait

Hold on

What if we start doing lke. Funny ask blog style like toon hlvrai? Funny? oo oo ah ah?

Everyone ge their sonas in here

like this is poly talking

whoooahhh sure do love this 

stop deleting my (STOP THAT :) ) assholes

fic

I don’t have a funny toonsona I don’t go there it makes me sad it makes me very bummed out that I’m not a funny toon like toon benrey and toon gordon where suerpo hell does not exist and they get to kiss even though they’re derogatory (fruit)

  
  


Wanna see my toonsona? :)

Yes please!

im gonna kill you irl AIAIAJWIKWMSJWHWNSJWJJWJAAQAAAAAHHHHHHH (evil)

benrey was angry cause he was in super hell so he was like i gotta get out cause i’m benrey and i’m really strong and powerful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!2!2!1!1!

  
  
  


BENRY SEES A LIGHT.

IS IT GOD????

NO ITS SUNKIZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  


Light like a rainbow rainbows ade made of light and hell and rainbows are FROM hell and togethe.

Together hell and rianbows andn you and me and I’m the sherrif and you’re in here and I’m out there and I’m the caveman! 

  
  
  
  
  


So the light of sunkist makes his lights his brain his thoughts easier t see easier to understand and 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“hey, welcome to my domain. you are 

welcome to stay as this is a place of respite however it is not wise to delay your journey for too long. would you like a cup of tea?” 

“What is that? You wish to know my name? Well… that isn’t too important at the moment, though you will find out in due time. here, why don’t you sit down, perhaps I can tell you a story, who knows it might even entertain you?”

Sans pog

“Anyways I think that’s enough rest for you, I think it is best for you to get going now, you have your things to do and I certainly have mine”

“It was nice to see you, I would say I hope we meet again but, well… that is somewhat of an inevitability. Nonetheless I do hope you have safe travels, bye for now.” 

  
  
  


Hey gamers whats going on in here

Woaahhhhhh oooooohhhhhhh oooooahahhh story of undertale

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????????????????????????????

SO benrey gets on sunkist’s back in like a horse way. WERE JUST PICKING IT UP DOWN HERE?

Uyeah we had to do the breif respite with the scayr man. Now we’re done with that. Benrey gets on sunkist in a horse way, mind swirling with thoughts about big scary stars and lightning mcqueen and preminitions about…. There will be……. s 😔

Something happened to Benrey’s brain while in super hell: Fruitification (derogatory) . Absolutely unexplainable, we cant figure it out and were the ones that wrote it. Something affected his brain to the point that were now (count em) thirteen pages into this with little to no story but well get there eventually. 

The light …..of tha earth…. Benrey is climbing through the gates of super hell. 

A sudden flash of white. White? White. White 

. white. Whote. White. Hwite. WWhit

White. White. White. White.white.. White

So 

SUEENYLDLY! WOAH! BENREY OPENS HIZ EYESZ!!!!! AND IN FRONT OF HIM? ITS/..GORDON!!!!!!!!!

Gordon touch his face. Says “i am not homophobic no longer the benrye. I have become normal and lgbt just like you” 

Benry opens his motuh and says [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM)

“SIKE motherfucker” Gordon yells, “im like. Gayer than you actuaolly. Idk why youre the one that came down here first i ust think its because you look like a bigger fruit (derogatory) than i do”

Meanwhile gman makes tommy taake over the family business…..btu FUCK!!! THE BUSINESS is BEAN! Tommy become greem beam…….

  
  


I FUCKING LOVE TOM BEAN IM GOING TO CRY!!!!!!!!

OH NO BUT TOMMY LIKED BEING A CARROT, said benrey in his mind [a thought] and it distracted him from gordon confession of being unhomophobic and being very gay. 

val has to post this on ao3 i’m so sorry val

Gordon woas so tall and handsome as hell and benrey was so bad and he did it so well and together they could kiss they could smooch they could adopt joshua together 

“Joshua is already my son benrey” gordon says” “yeah also realizing I’m very derogitory (fruit) made me psychic and it’s hurting a lot actually, your thoughts hurt so much but i’;m willing to live with it for you i think you aer”

“Ppoggers?”

“Absolutely not. No. no. don’t make you send me backj I will if you-”

“ i think we should join an E sports team actually,” he/they protested

  
  


“Well I do like speedrunnong straweberry shortcake summertime adventure for the gba that came out in 20???”

“NO!!! Cocoking mama...for 3.”

“We can do different things with our life benrey love is about loving each other through it al it is about kissing and smooching and letting me grow blueberries in strawberry shortcake for summertime adventure please you fucking wh” gordon said and he didn’t take any breahts to do it because in the meantime he had installed bionic lungs which was very cool and made kissing let happen nlonger

“Whore? The word?”

“No I was going to call you wholesale! I love buying a lot of you at once, benrey! Today I bought all of you!” “me ? a product to be bought and sold? Buy and sell me to one direction, gordon? Kplease why don’t you love me gordon let’s do comping mame”

Gordon wear mesh shirt because msh is COOL now….

is it (saying this in an EVIL way)

CAN WE WRAP THIS UP? CAN WE JUST HAVE THEM KISS AND LEAVE? PLEASE? Bitches dont apreciate slowburn anymore !!!

In the end. None of it mattered really. Love will vanquish all homophobia in the end. Gordon and Benrey’s hearts have grown stronger through these trials and tribulations, and with it, their love for one another has grown too. A smile graces both of their faces and they begin to lean in at the same time. Then gordon FREAKS IT to PARTY ROCK IS!!!! Benrey stops being a prep poser.

We we we we we we we!!!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Ah hello once again… I’m sure you missed me *chuckle*. How were you travels? I’m sure they wer more eventful then mine. I do believe you have come to the end, of what? I’m not sure, this journey, this story, or maybe just this google doc. Oh sorry too meta? I try not to give away… too many details on the nature of this world. Hmm? Ah yes you had wanted to know my name well… although I’m sure I don’t seem too familiar you certainly know me I’m sure of that. Here, why don’t I remove this… charade I suppose.

*bone crunching noises* “HNNNNNGAAAAAHHH”

  
  


Hey? I hate this 

Funny! *fart noise*

“It’s me funny rain waydio tv!” *freaks it*

**Author's Note:**

> If this is the first thing you've seen of mine, sorry! I am so sorry!! Feel free to check out my other fics, like a 20 chapter freehoun fic which is actually serious and good. And a mermaid thing. I swear I am a good writer and so is lonliestcacstus, we went into this with good intentions and it just spiraled.


End file.
